You Don’t Have to Look Like What You’re Going Through
When you’re going through a divorce, your self-esteem can be at an all-time low. Stress and strong emotions can cause you to eat and sleep poorly, unintentionally lose or gain weight, and generally lack the energy and motivation to pay attention to personal grooming. For some of us our mindset becomes “I feel terrible, so I might as well look terrible”. One day you wake up and realize you don’t know who you are anymore. Everything from the decisions you made, the people you hung out with,and how you ate all revolved around the lifestyle you shared with your partner.
Now to be clear, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with spending a lazy Saturday in your PJs from time to time, and there’s no earthly reason why a woman should have to wear makeup or spend more than a minute or two styling her hair in order to go and run a few errands. The problem arises when chronic self-neglect starts to cost you – everything from a promotion at work to the respect of friends and colleagues to the possibility of a new relationship.
So regardless of where you are in the divorce process, I encourage you to take some time to start thinking about how you are showing up, and how well it aligns with the Goddess who is an innate part of your being. One of the first things I encourage you to think about is editing or decluttering your closet. How you see yourself will drastically change how you show up, how you talk, and act. So here are 3 key things I want you to think about to get you started.
Do you need to bring your Sexy Back after years of dressing more conservative and or casual based on the lifestyle you had with your significant other?
When I got divorced, one of the things I realized, especially when it came time to go out on a date, or even with my girlfriends is that I didn’t own any outfits for going out because. Except my professional clothes I wore to work and for a few annual charity events, we spent a lot of time at home, and my clothes reflected more of the life that he wanted for us.
So, whether is clothes for a live music event, brunch with your girls, or a date, think about your presence and the vibe and energy you want to project. Do you want to project girl or guy next door, fabulous and flirty or “or a my, my, my will you look at that Goddess or God energy?” In other words, when you get dressed, before you walk out the door, do you want to feel like you should call the paparazzi on yourself?
Unless it represents your truth, there is no reason for you to step into your new life with clothing from who you were in your marriage or partnership years ago. Take an honest inventory of what you have in your closet and get rid of any items that no longer make you feel good or look good. This is a great time to call that girlfriend who will tell you the truth (even if it’s without a filter), so that you avoid the temptation to hold to more things than you need to for sentimental reasons. Make no mistake, clothes that are just hanging up in your closet are not serving you or anyone else well. Release them with love by gifting some of your nice pieces to family or friends or donating them to charity. You can also hold a yard sale or put them up for consignment and use the money you make to invest in the new wardrobe which is more aligned with the new you.
What is your lingerie and underwear game looking like these days and do you need to step it up in this department?
Believe it or not, this has just as much to do with you as it does with anyone else. Sometimes when we are married, it’s easy for both women and men to get super comfortable and stuck wearing the same bras, panties, boxers, gowns, pajamas. The divorce process represents a perfect opportunity to explore and upgrade your undergarments with fabrics that caress and feel delicious to your skin. Take the time to invest in yourself. Go out and purchase some matching satin or lace bras and panties or new silk boxers. Shopping alone probably won’t cure the all of the disappointment and hurt you may be feeling, but it can give you a boost of hope and confidence as you face the new life you are entering.
Now I touched on this earlier, but it bears repeating…. How spicy do you feel in the clothes your wear around the house? When someone knows on your door, are you prepared? Even when you are at home, where no one is going to see you, often times the way you look affects your energy. Think about it, when you are walking around the house in drab, shapeless, shabby clothes, does it make you feel excited, energized? I going to say this at the risk of dating myself, but this makes me think about one of the song “Superbad” by the late Godfather of Soul James Brown. One of the lines in that song said, “I want to jump back and kiss myself”. How about you let that be your one of your guides when you walk past your mirror at home. I know in general; a lot people have given up because of the COVID19, but you don’t have to be one of them. There are a lot of stylish, super comfy at home clothing that you can wear while working from home or even to run errands. Take some time to go through your wardrobe and identify some of those sweats, t-shirts, leggings, etc. that just don’t work anymore and get rid of them. Then go out and buy a few pieces to start creating at-home looks that make you want jump back and kiss yourself.
The beginning of a New Year represents the perfect time for you to sit down and make a plan an overall plan for how you are going to show up as your best self no matter where you are in the divorce process. One of the biggest things you can do for yourself others is to invest your time and energy in self-love and self-care activities which make you feel good on the inside.
Embrace this new phase of starting over and finding yourself again. It’s a process that takes effort every single day, and you will have days when you are super focused and feel like you can take on the world and other days when you will struggle to get out of bed. And even though an attractive appearance won’t solve all of your divorce-related challenges, with a little determination and thoughtful planning, it can help you feel better.
Chin up Beautiful, there is absolutely no reason in this world that you have to look like what you are going through.