Decisive Decision-making in Divorce
Still Standing
Hey Beautiful! Ask anyone who has ever gotten a divorce, and they will likely tell you that one of the most overwhelming aspects of the divorce is the amount of decision-making involved. Whether you are trying to decide whether to stay or go, in the midst of the process, or adjusting to life after divorce, it’s important to understand how much the quality of your decisions affects the quality of your life. Making decisions which align with your truth and represent your best self are among the most effective ways to enhance your life.
Partnering with a Divorce Coach who can be your thinking partner can be extremely beneficial if you find yourself struggling, spending too much time and energy deciding, or avoiding making decisions altogether. Not only can this keep you stuck and prevent you from moving forward, but it can also take a toll on your mental, physical, emotional and financial well-being. If you want to minimize the chances of getting worried lines, bags or dark circles under your eyes, or a premature gray, here a few pearls of wisdom to help you overcome indecision and overthinking.
1. Know your values. The best option is often obvious if you know your values. Take the time to examine your values and then list them in order of priority. When you’re faced with a tough choice, take a look at your list of values and apply your values to your decision. You’ll probably find that an answer is easier to find.
2. Keep it graceful: Think before you act. During a divorce, emotions can cause us to act without thinking, but it’s important to not let your emotions get the best of you. When it comes to decisions view divorce as a business proposition. Decisions based on our instincts and initial reactions often lead to mistakes and terrible outcomes with lasting quality of life implications. The best decision is often clear if you take the time to think before you act. Taking time can help you avoid responding to texts or emails immediately, especially if you think your soon-to-be Ex is trying to get you to act out, or expressing frustration or pain in a way that involves your children.
3. Consider the reason for your hesitation; gather information. Why are you hesitating? What’s holding you back? What are your concerns? What are you afraid might happen? Is there a way to mitigate this fear, so it doesn’t impact your decision process? Fear of the unknown can undermine your ability to make a decision.
Part of thinking before making decisions should be gathering information. Put yourself in the position to make the best decisions possible regarding the future of your family and your finances in a divorce.
4. Know that if you’re indecisive, any option is probably acceptable. When you’re torn between a couple of choices, there’s probably not a “best” option. Just pick one and move on. Flip a coin if necessary, pay close attention to your thoughts because during the brief moment it is in the air, you will know what you are truly hoping for.
5. Remember, it’s not personal, it’s business. Most decisions in divorces are not based on what you, your soon-to-be ex-spouse, your lawyer, or even the judge thinks would be fair. Divorce court decisions are made by applying laws and past case decisions to facts that are presented at your trial. Divorce is about the law. Know it and make your peace with it sooner than later, so you don’t value time, money or tears on decisions that are not yours to make.
6. Eyes forward. Yes, it’s perfectly normal to think about the past and wonder about missed opportunities and anything else which might explain or might have prevented you from getting divorced. However, too much time reminiscing about the past may trigger feelings of anger or misplaced trust which can cloud our judgement and impact our ability to make sound decisions. When it comes to the divorce, it’s important to recognize the process won’t last forever, so make decisions based on your new reality, as well as your vision for your new reality. When making decisions, think about your new reality, knowing things won’t always be the way they are right now. This is especially important if you have children. They are watching your example during this process. What do you want them to learn from this experience? Rash decisions during your divorce can ruin your relationship, impacting you and your child(ren) for years to come. Consider their best interest and what valuable lessons you can teach them based on the way you show up throughout this process.
If you need someone to help you separate the emotions from the “business” aspect of divorce, in a way which leads to better decision-making, improved communication and less conflict, consider hiring a divorce coach who will help you practice good judgement by separating the emotions from the legal issues. Working with a coach will provide the support that is necessary to mitigate this experience and allow you to recover and rebuild your life a lot sooner. Chin Up Beautiful, you got this!
